How to Rage Patiently

People think I'm super patient. I guess I am, but most times it doesn't feel too difficult... you see, I have a secret. I do rage. I do get upset and frustrated. But I don't get really angry at any one person. Usually.

Here's the rage I could write, if I didn't have my soon-to-be-not-so-secret trick:

Argh, taking the bus downtown is so exasperating; there are so many bleeping so-and-sos around all the time. That person driving the car passing the bus after it's clearly trying to pull away from the curb is a jerkface and I hope they get hit by oncoming traffic! Even if they pass while the bus is stopped they could hit those kids trying to cross the street. Don't even get me started on the genius who passed the bus right at an intersection. Just exactly how the bleep did they expect to look both ways before entering the intersection? THEY DIDN'T! And then there are the pedestrians. Ugh. That jaywalker is clearly stupid; I can't believe he just crossed without looking. Dumbhead. Why isn't that mother keeping closer hold of her kid? He could run out into traffic at any time; she's clearly neglectful. But the people actually on the bus enrage me the most, for some odd reason. WHY ARE YOU STANDING UP, YOU BLEEPS, THERE ARE PLENTY OF EMPTY SEATS. SIT. SIT THE BLEEP DOWN. OH MY GOD WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR FARE READY WHEN YOU GET ON THE BUS, WE HAVE PLACES TO BE YOU BLEEPING BLEEP. SERIOUSLY? THAT ISN'T EVEN A BUS STOP, BUS DRIVER DON'T STOP FOR THEM they're late they're always late LEAVE THEM BEHIND. This bus is about to get crowded. WHY ARE YOU SITTING ON THE AISLE SEAT WHEN THE INSIDE ONE IS EMPTY YOU SELFISH GREEDY BLEEP MAKE ROOM FOR THE OTHER PEOPLE. But most of all... I repeat myself... SIT DOWN. Sit. DOWN ON THE BUS.

Here's the trick you thought I was going to use:

If someone passes the bus they must surely be in an awful big hurry and have a good reason for it. Maybe they're rushing to the hospital. Maybe someone's having a baby! :D The pedestrian not looking where he's going must be having a pretty bad day if he's looking at his feet the whole time. I hope he has a better time of it. That mother with her kid must be out of her mind with worry; I'm sure she'll grab the kid in a sec. The people standing up on the bus... maybe they hurt their posterior and it would hurt to sit down. Those people running late with their fares unprepared might have just come from caring for their sick friend and are on their way to the animal shelter and have to get there on the next bus to save their pet from euthanasia. The person sitting on the aisle seat must be agoraphobic, poor thing, and was forced under cruel circumstances to ride the bus. 

Nope. Not everyone can have an excuse. Somebody has to be an idiot.

My trick lies somewhere in between the intolerant perma-rage and the sickly sweet all-forgiving rose-colored glasses. You get the best of both worlds: the ability to vent and an easy conscience. Hooray! Ready? Okay: you rage at indefinite groups of people, but never at individuals. This is how it works:

People who pass buses at inconvenient times are morons with a deathwish, but that one guy had a good reason. Ignorant pedestrians are obnoxious, but that one chick is a decent sort. People seriously need to sit down on the bus, but... but... that one person must have a good reason. THEY MUST. (I have to convince myself of this frequently.) The inattentive mother must be having an off day, but this is her at her worst--she's really a wonderful person. People running late really need to hurry the bleep up, but every time they could have a super reasonable reason. There are all sorts of reasonable reasons for being late. That person sitting on the aisle seat when the inside is free probably isn't even giving it a second thought anyway; they're not malicious.

Except every time I said  "that one guy" or "that one time," I say that every time. You never get mad at anyone, but the best part about this trick is that you can still rage. You can go ahead and revel in all the ragey goodness of exhibit one, above, but replacing all instances of specific rage to general groups of people. Get mad at everyone, but no one in particular. It's more satisfying than you might think, and the total rage is less than it would be anyway due to being removed from the direct cause.

Yeah, yeah, the ideal is to not rage at all. You go ahead and try that.

I'm sure this trick isn't actually much of a secret. Actually I hope this wasn't news to you, because it would be great if more people tried to think this way. If you do think this way (or, hypothetically if you did), what would be the hardest thing to justify? What would be the hardest thing to let slide on a case-by-case basis? Basically, what is your biggest pet peeve?

Mine is the standing up on the bus thing. I mean come on. You can't all have injured derrieres. Seriously. Sit down on the bus. Sit.